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The holidays are a time of excitement and delight for any child — festive decorations, gifts, and family get-togethers are sure to make fantastic memories for years to come. but what happens when the family unit has split up? While the parents may struggle with the end of their relationship during this nostalgic time, it can also be difficult for any children involved. drama and built-up tension can easily result in tantrums from kids of any age. at a time of year when peace and love ought to be emphasized, a parent can find themselves stuck battling an ex-partner and juggling custody of temperamental children at the same time.

Let’s analyze why the holidays can turn into such a turbulent time for newly separated families, and how parents can help their children adjust to a new holiday format that has enough room for everyone — minus the meltdowns.

The Seasonal Struggle

In the United States, a number of holidays with an emphasis on family gatherings happen within a couple short months of each other — namely Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and new Year’s. This season is implied to be spent with the ones you love, and when you’re a child, that mainly implies your close family — especially your parents. So when your parents break the news to you that they’re separating — whether long before the holidays or best in the midst of them — it can you’re your world in a number of ways. It’s natural for children to worry about what will happen during the first holiday season after the split; they can be confused or upset about spending the days with one parent or the other, not to mention the parents themselves can be divided on who gets custody on the most essential occasions, like opening presents on Christmas Day. It can be a struggle for both children and parents alike. experts on family law can help make things a bit simpler for the whole family so it is recommended to speak with them.

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No matter what reasons were behind the separation, both parents ought to be focused on giving their child or children a pleased holiday season, with as few arguments and as little tension as possible. That’s why everything should already be settled with the help of a reliable family law firm. “Parents face holidays every year with varying degrees of stress,” reads an short article on Psychology Today’s website. “We know the routines that organize life will decrease over the next 45 days as schools close, bedtimes grow later, and children beg for toys. The techniques parents use to manage tension will become less effective because the world will change around us. parents will experience tension not only from the holidays but also from the need to change and adapt.”

And when you’re already occupied with trying to adapt to life as a co-parent in a potentially stressful split, the season may bring some entirely new challenges into the mix. but according to a divorce lawyer, after a separation or divorce, numerous children are instantly concerned about the effect it will have on them and their lives; they need for things to stay as normal as possible during this challenging time.
The good news is you’re not alone in this situation, you can speak with a divorce lawyer or child custody lawyer for advice, and you’re certainly not the first ex-partners to attempt the feat of a harmonious holiday season in dual households. Let’s take a look at some of the ways you can give your children a cheerful season.

Things You Can do for an simpler festive Time

To get a better understand of what a child’s going through around the holidays, it’s wise to think about the concept of routines. numerous kids have their entire daily lives built around routines dictated by their parents; once the holidays happen, these routines — healthy meals, regular bedtimes — are thrown into disarray. combine this with a possibly newly-divided household that needs to maintain the same routines on both sides, and you can easily spin your child out of control.

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“Holidays often create an upheaval in household routines, which can cause anxiety and tension in children,” notes the urban child Institute. “They may have a difficult time being on their best behavior and are much more likely to experience holiday tension when they’re exhausted or hungry.” The short article advises that parents make sure to return their children to their regular routines after any disruption, as well as not overloading them with too numerous activities and trips and things to do. Down time and rest is especially essential to guarantee that kids don’t end up exhausted and cranky – or hyperactive, depending on how numerous sweet seasonal treats they’ve been eating. Be sure to communicate with your former partner to talk about dietary needs and the limit on junk food.

Another thing to talk about with your former partner is how to be understanding of what your child is going through, and to be both client and sympathetic with them. “Children typically have no say in where they will be or when,” say Stanley-Wallace law divorce lawyers in Slidell LA. “Every time they go back and forth it is like reliving the divorce. oftentimes a lot of acting out occurs in preparation for transitions (especially around the holidays) in reaction to the pain, hurt and anger children feel.” If your child is lashing out, find a way to calm them, sit down with them, and talk about their emotions with them in a rational manner. Reacting negatively in turn can only deepen the downward spiral, and it’s essential that your child feels like they can voice their issues and feelings to you in a safe environment.

Finally, first things first puts emphasis on you and your former partner “being the adults” in this situation, and always setting a good example for your children:
“If you commit to do something, make sure you follow through. Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep. If plans have been agreed upon for the holidays, don’t change your plans at the last minute to get back at your ex-spouse: All that does is hurt the children. When you act disrespectfully and don’t keep your promises, they learn it is acceptable to treat people in the same manner.”

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The short article continues to say that this is a time when numerous children are fearful that their parents may not love them anymore, and that parents breaking promises to them can send the message that they “really aren’t that important.” At this time of year, there ought to be nothing much more essential than your children and giving them a pleased and magical holiday ought to be first on the list — because fond memories are a better gift than any toy they may ask for.

Make positive Memories This Holiday

Although it may seem like a big task, giving your kids pleased holidays in a separated household is certainly possible, and even important to guarantee that they’re adjusting to the idea of a parental split. When you focus on the fact that their parents separating doesn’t imply that they’re loved any less, you’ll be helping give them a sense of safety and security that just because things are different now doesn’t imply that the holidays will be cancelled. In fact, they can be every bit as strong and special as before.

How do you deal with the holidays in a co-parenting situation? Please tell us in the comments.

By Christie Hopkins for the healthy mothers Magazine

Christie Hopkins has personal and professional ties to the family law industry. She has comprehensive experience working with families going through child custody disputes. Christie approached family law with attentiveness and care to guarantee both parties feel valued and heard. Christie is a regular contributor to Soberlink.

Link to this post:Co-Parenting during the Holidays: much more Memories, fewer Meltdowns

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